View From The Middle
Why Not Grant Illegal Aliens Amnesty? They Have Everything Else!
By Charles Rogers

You're getting ready to take a trip out of town. You arrive at the airport and, after confirming your ticket with some very nice people sitting at a long counter with computer screens overlooking the proceedings, you head to the terminal's "inner sanctum," where it's quieter.

The first person you meet is a uniformed security guard, who asks you to show your identity card - "A driver's license will do," she says. She takes a quick glance at the license and compares it to the name on your flight ticket and, voila! - you've passed that first security test. You don't have to show your license any more! Of course, the guard doesn't know you are a terrorist who happens to be going to a meeting of your peers to plan, um, you-know-what.

Because you passed the first guard with flying (pardon the expression) colors, you don't have to worry about showing that card again. Ever. Even taking off your shoes and going through the actual final security check is no big deal anymore, providing you use athletes foot powder and providing you're not too slow picking your change out of the bucket and providing you don't let people know you're a terrorist who, oh, so easily slipped past the security areas simply because you had that driver's license.

You are now free to go wherever you want to go! Oh, to be sure, it's a New York license you possess, issued by the State Motor Vehicle Bureau, which was suddenly-empowered by Governor Eliot Spitzer because, he says, "Our homeland will be less safe when people continue to drive without a license and without insurance. It is unlicensed drivers - not immigrants - who are a threat to public safety."

Oh, that's right. I forgot that, since those unlicensed drivers who are immigrants - illegal immigrants - are now licensed, they are all-of-a-sudden going to rush right out to get thousands of dollars worth of insurance. You see, it's against the law to drive in New York State without insurance.

And now that they have a license, they'll be able to rent a car, any car, and, since it's a Hertz deal, they only have to worry about ready cash, with which to travel wherever in the hell they want in order to pick up a few bags of bomb-blast stuff. Oh, if they want to be that secretive, I suppose they can switch cars at their nearest rental agency again - by using their driver's license; their official New York State driver's license.

Incidentally, Assembly Republican leader James Tedisco said last week that heretofor unrevealed information has come to light noting that state parole papers will be among the new documents that license applicants can use.

Governor Spitzer sparked this brilliant idea, saying it is, in the long run, for the good of all, since it will let undocumented immigrants live normal and productive lives, not being scared to go out in the truck and work like legal immigrants.

He says it will "enhance security" by bringing them "out of the shadows, where they can pay taxes, acquire car insurance and contribute to society."

Does it make you want to yell, "Where did this Spitzer guy come from?"

Next - and I'm, unfortunately, serious - our arrogant, in-your-face politicians will have undocumented immigrants voting. Yes, VOTING! You see, by pandering to the masses, the masses become beholden to the politicians and, voila! Can you hear them? "I owed ya one, so here's my vote, Governor!"

Incidentally, did you know that, right now, all you need to vote in the state of New York is proof that you are a citizen and eligible to vote? Sources tell me you can do that by showing either a Social Security number or THE LAST FOUR DIGITS OF YOUR DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES DRIVER'S LICENSE NUMBER.

It does make you wonder - Why in the world should an undocumented alien become a documented one? He/she will be able to come here - at will (they can drive over the border, I suppose), get proper ID (that's the driver's license), vote on whomever is giving him/her the best deal, and get a well-paying job so he/she can send money back to the economy of the country they came from in the first place!!! Soon enough, the health benefits will follow and, oh, yeah, let's not forget that they'll probably have the right to strike if they don't receive all this stuff…..along with a pat on the back and a raise, of course.

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