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COUNSELING CORNER Human beings are social creatures. Time alone can be nice, but we all need the warmth of human companionship on a regular basis. But even more important than simply interacting with others are the relationships that we build with some people. These are people whom we care about, share emotions with, and depend upon for encouragement, advice, and support. These relationships, with the people we consider real, close friends, are special and important. They're long-term relationships. They can result from marriage, friendships or business relationships, and rest on common foundations. Usually the people we're closest to are those with whom we share a number of similarities. But even in the closest of relationships, whether romantic or between friends, there will still be areas of disagreement. An important element in establishing or maintaining a healthy, long-term relationship is how such disagreements are handled. Honesty, openness and trust play important roles. One way of building trust is to agree to be honest with one another when disagreements come up, and then to actually do just that. For a strong relationship to be established and grow, both members of the relationship must commit to this goal. It's sometimes called the "ABC" method of sustaining a relationship. The "A" stands for affirming the value of the relationship. That means the two of you agree that the relationship itself is more important that either of your views on any particular issue. The "B" stands for behavior, for letting the other person know that when there are disagreements, you won't let them affect the basics of the relationship. It means that neither of you will set ultimatums or try to force your point of view on the other person. The "C" stands for clarifying issues when there is a disagreement. Rather than your "interpreting" the words and actions of the other person, you have to be open and honest with that person and let him or her clarify the intent and meaning of what has been said. Long-term relationships are important to our lives. To make them last and grow takes work. One important key is to find room within the relationship for the differences that are going naturally going to exist between any two people. "The Counseling Corner" is provided as a public service by the American Counseling Association, the nation's largest organization of counseling professionals. Learn more at www.counseling.org .
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