2006-02-09 / View From the Middle

It’s A Democracy — We Can Change Parties...Can’t We?

View From The Middle
By Charles Rogers


I’ve changed my mind.

Due to criticism from the left, I’ll no longer philosophize from the right. Conservatives be damned! Long live the Liberals! Long live Chuck & Hil! Those #$%^&* Conservative-Republicans can all go to you-know-where!

Now let’s see…I’ll start at the top (or at the bottom, from a leftist point of view) with President George W. Bush, he with the smirk when not reading from a Teleprompter; he who tripped on the way into Iraq and, like an Alice in Wonderland, couldn’t get himself — or others — out. Maybe he and Donald Rumsfeld (Tweedle Dee Dum and Tweedle Dee Dee) will work something out — like withdrawal of our troops the minute somebody sneezes. Hey, we got rid of Saddam whatsizname. That ought to be good enough, so now we should let the @#$%&* Iraqis fend for themselves!

Oh, yeah. I’ve changed my mind, all right.

The @#$%^&* prez had some nerve putting another conservative right-winger on the Supreme Court. Hell or high water, Samuel Alito, uh, Justice Samuel Alito will surely try to turn around Roe v Wade and also make sure the death penalty gets full use (although he already stalled on that count. We’ll give him a few “attaboy” points for a good first try).

It’s a shame that, with his appointment already in place, we liberals weren’t privy to seeing our stalwart leaders, Ted Kennedy and John Kerry, do their filibuster duet. They would have done us proud, the two of them, one calling for the delay from his home in Massachusetts and the other from, I think, his ski lodge in Austria. Nothin’ like being right on the spot when you’re needed.

Ah, but we liberals can slough all that off. Water under the bridge, etc. With this bumpkin Bush as a lame duck, all we have to do is twiddle our thumbs and get over the next election, where we’re surely gonna knock those Republican-Conservative (and Independent) blithering idiots out of their Congressional seats and we’ll take over in a grand way!

First, since we’ll be the majority, we’ll elect our own majority leader, say, John Murtha. He certainly looks like he knows what he’s talking about. That’ll give us a step up in that quagmire over in Iraq — and get us the hell out of the way in case Iran gets tougher!

Of course, everything we do from this point will be in preparation for....

HILLARY FOR PRESIDENT!

Oh, I’m sorry. Isn’t that what we had in mind? Frankly, I thought that saying the House of Representatives is run “like a plantation, and you know what I mean by that” was a very cool line, sure to awaken the public to Hillary’s empathy and down-to-earthness.

There are only a couple of guys she’ll have to confront before she takes the oath of office, though: The aforementioned John Kerry and, after she puts her heel in his neck in a primary, that other guy who was also in the Vietnam War....Oh, yeah. Senator John McCain. He’s a Republican-Conservative, isn’t he?

Hmmm. Maybe I’d better not change my mind after all.

“...It’s a shame that, with (Justice Alito’s) appointment already in place, we liberals weren’t privy to seeing our stalwart leaders, Ted Kennedy and John Kerry, do their filibuster duet. They would have done us proud...”

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