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DIRECT ANSWERS High Wire Act I am single, attractive, and 42. For the last decade I’ve been personal assis-tant to the managing director of my company. He and I have a very good relationship that is essential in this kind of role. When his marriage of 25 years broke down, he was loath to discuss it with family or friends. Three months ago my boss met a lady 20 years his junior at a party at one of our other offices. They fell for each other. My problem is his now wife-to-be will not tolerate me at all. He suggested to her that she and I should speak. She duly called me, and I at-tempted what I thought was a pleasant “girly” chat. It was obvious she was reluctant to talk, but I put this down to the fact we didn’t know each other. Since then she has refused to discuss or acknowledge me. He can’t bring me up in conversation as it induces a row. This puts our friendship under severe strain. It’s also going to make life difficult for me when I attend company events where she will be present. I am frightened she may misconstrue anything I say or do and lead to a row either with me or, when they return home, with him. This saddens me. I know he finds this situation difficult to manage be-cause it involves a lot of female feelings he can’t comprehend. He admits his new love is jealous of any female that comes near him, but she has a special resentment for me. I am keen for us to be friends, but I also feel he has to side with her which makes me a two time loser. Deborah Dealing with someone with a true jealousy problem is like dealing with someone with a mental illness. Your boss will be accused of things he hasn’t done, and she will see your actions as suspicious attempts to placate her reasonable fears. Forget any idea of winning her over. Jealous people can’t be won over. Your best strategy is to do your job to perfection and keep as far into the background of their relationship as you can. When you run into this woman, maintain the wallpaper persona of the subordinate employee. We know this is demeaning, but your main goal is to keep your good job. As you know, a good personal assistant must be able to walk a tightrope, even without a net. Tamara Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAnd-Tamara.com or wtite to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers @WayneAndTamara.com.
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