2005-10-06 / View From the Middle

Maybe Ferrer Should “Say The Secret Woid”

View From The Middle
By Charles Rogers

It’s not the policy of this newspaper to endorse political candidates; not at this time, anyway. But, of course, this column is more personal, and I feel, since it is an opinionated soapbox, you can read on and be educated or, uh, close the paper at this point and remain ignorant (If ya wanna have yer own soapbox, write a letter to the editor or, better yet, GET YOUR OWN @#!%&*$ NEWSPAPER!).

But I digress…..Where was I? Oh, yeah. Politics. This one’s easy: It looks like Fernando Ferrer has just about politicked himself into the corner of the forgotten — again. I mean, wasn’t this the same guy who ran for mayor three times and got the pants beat off him every time One would have thought he’d have learned something from once being Bronx borough president.

It’s a good thing, though, when one has the attitude like his that says, “try, try again,” as Ferrer does; an attitude like a boxer who won’t go down. I like that. It makes me want to go ahead and give this son of a gun another chance, unless…unless he’s Fernando Ferrer and it looks like he doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in you-know-where of beating the MIGHTY BLOOMBERG.

After all, His Mayorship has had the job pretty well locked from the minute he stepped into City Hall almost four years ago. Oh, yeah, there were those very abrasive habits that zillionnaires have, like looking down on us proletariat working stiffs with disdain — or seeming to do so. It was his manner, at first, which bugged the hell out of me, frankly, especially when he came out with expressions like, “ Learn to live with it !” I mean, we had already been living with IT (whatever IT was). Now it was up to Bloomberg to learn how we lived with IT.

Well, apparently he figured a lot out, and — admit it — he hasn’t done a bad job at all. Billionaire, zillionaire or not, he got down to the nitty-gritty and let us know he didn’t mind getting his hands dirty if it would benefit the city. Remember, this guy’s not making a salary. True, he doesn’t need it, but capitalists like Bloomberg don’t usually turn down a few hundred thousand, whether they need it or not. He turned it down because he thought it would signify his call to duty; his call to serve the city.

These last few gaffs by the Ferrer campaign, in which he states he went to public schools and it turns out he didn’t, and in which he allegedly politicked at a school (that’s a no-no), were LITERALLY his last hurrahs. Everything he does from this point on is going to be called catch-up — something he’ll never do — even if he parades up and down Fifth Avenue with Howard Dean, the head of the Democratic Na-tional Committee. (Oops! Maybe he should have skipped that one too!)

Now, I know it’s not up to me to say something more about Ferrer — except that NOBODY, and I mean NOBODY, has even brought up the subject of who he looks like.

Yeah, looks: those physical characteristics that make most of us appear different from anyone else. I say “most of us” because there are a few who look like, perhaps, someone you’ve seen before: perhaps a movie actor or actress. A luminary. Maybe a bad guy, like Al Capone or Son of Sam. Maybe a clown — or maybe not.

I know, I know. I’m no one to talk (although some say I do look like a movie star — Lassie)…..but ….has anyone dared to mention how much Fernando Ferrer looks like GROUCHO MARX? I’ve heard it said that some of Ferrer’s campaign advisors even told him early-on that if he intends to run for office — any office — he should get rid of his mustache. But noooo! He would have none of it.

Am I a bad guy for mentioning it? Probably. And maybe I should apologize for being so insensitive (ya think?). But it seems that this is a case of the emperor having no clothes. Nobody wants to talk about it.

Now, I’m not saying Groucho was homely, or even not nice-looking. The same for candidate Ferrer. But I truly expect, while the cameras are rolling at some function or another and Ferrer’s talking to a reporter or interviewer, to see him turn to the camera, raise his eyebrows a few times, flick his cigar ashes into the air and utter, “Say the secret woid and collect the fifty dollars!”


On the other hand, maybe he should try that. It might woik!

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