The Stooges: Trying To Figure A Way Out Of The Quagmire

Congressmen Larry, Moe and Curly met last week in front of the House of Representatives in Wash-ington and felt it would be a good idea to talk over the agenda for the day. After all, their constituents back home deserved the best from their representatives and the best is what they wanted to give.

“I’m going to vote that we get out of Iraq now,” said Larry.

“I’m going to vote that we at least set some kind of timetable for us to get out,” said Moe.

“I’m going to vote that we at least set some kind of timetable for us to get out,” said Curly.

“Don’t mock me,” said Moe. “I don’t like being mocked.” With that, he pulled Curly’s tie with one hand and tweeked his nose with the other.

“Woowoo!” said Curly. “Now you did it. Here I am trying to do some good things and you’re teasing me. Why, I’ll.....” and he gestured a waving motion with his hand in front of Moe’s nose, finalizing it by bopping him on top of the head.

“All right, you guys, Cut it out,” said Larry. “This is important business. I mean, we’re really in a quagmire. Now, I want to get out of Iraq just as fast as you guys, but I don’t know if telling the enemy just when we’re going to do it is a good idea. Won’t they just kinda sit around and wait for the date?”

“Nah,” said Moe.

“Nah,” said Curly.

“I thought I told you not to mock me,” Moe said, and they started to go at it again, with Curly ducking to the side and neatly bopping Moe on the top of the head with his fist.

“Nyuk-Nyuk! I gotcha!” he exclaimed.

“Now, I’m warning you,” Larry, the more level-headed one, said. “Let’s get serious. The president said we can’t leave before the job is done, but our buddy Donald Rumsfeld said we could be in that quagmire for five, ten, maybe 12 years. That’s a lot of years.”

“Yeah but what does Rumsfeld know?” asked Curly. “He was listening to Vice President Cheney the other day when the V.P. said the enemy’s fight is in ‘its last throes’ and he didn’t even blink an eye. Then when he talked about it later he said ‘last throes’ don’t mean a thing. I tell you, I’m getting a little bit confused. Another thing he said was that we’re not gonna win against the insurglem...inshrugga...insecuri...”

“Insurgency!” yelled Moe. “How many times do I gotta tell you it’s ‘INSURGENCY’?”

“Whatever,” Curly answered. “Anyways, he said we’re not gonna win against them — the Iraquis will win against them. I’m a little bit confused again.”

“If we just up and left Iraq, don’tcha think it’ll save a lot of lives?” asked Larry. “I mean, what the heck, we probably shouldn’ta been there in the first place anyways.”

“We couldn’t do that, you dummy” Moe yelled. “Think about what we’d leave behind. Besides, if we did, then every other Middle Eastern country would just walk right in and, who knows, things would be back to the way they were before the war — only worse.”

“You are so smart!” said Curly, fluttering his eye-lashes and planting a big kiss on Moe’s cheek.

Bop! The sound of Moe hitting Curly on the head with a hammer (it just appeared out of nowhere!) could be heard practically throughout Washington, D.C..

“Let’s go inside and tell everybody how we feel,” said the congressmen to each other.

As they walked to the Capitol Building, they were heard to say, “Hey, Larry, how are you gonna vote?”

“I dunno, how about you, Curly?”

“I dunno...how about you...?”

“What did I tell you about mocking me?”

Bonk!

“Hey, Moe. Lemme ask you something....What’s a quagmire?”