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Dear Savvy Senior,

Do you have any tips on the best way to divvy up your parents prized possessions after there’re gone? My parents, both in their early 80s, are still living but my two brothers and I nearly came to blows last month when dad asked if any of us wanted his old rifle. It’s not worth much money but it got me thinking that if we’re fussing over this one item, how will we handle a house full of stuff when they eventually pass away. Any advice to keep us from killing each other?

Pistol Pete

Dear Pistol,

You’ve stumbled into some territory that has caused many family fights, even for those families who enter the process with the best of intentions. Also, you may be interested to know that it’s usually the little stuff that that causes the most problems. This is because the value we attach to the small personal possessions is usually sentimental or emotional, and because the simple items are the things that most families fail to talk about until it’s crunch time.

Who Gets What?

Experts at the University of Minnesota developed a great educational resource called “Who Gets Grandma’s Yellow Pie Plate?” They offer resources to help families deal with the transfer of non-titled property and list some key factors to keep in mind.

• Understand the sensitivity of the issues involved for each family member.

• Determine what you want to accomplish, and be sure everyone’s goals are compatible.

• Determine what is fair in the context of your family.

• Understand that belongings have different meanings for different individuals.

• Agree to manage conflicts if they arise.

Savvy Note: What sounds good on paper can be difficult to do when you’re engaged in a battle with one of your siblings you never liked that much in the first place. Here are some specific solutions to consider.

Divvying Solutions

The best solution is for the parents to talk things over with their grown children in advance and write their intentions down on paper, signed, dated and referenced in their will. If this is not done, and for most families it isn’t, here are some other ideas to help you divvy things up.

• Use colored stickers to identify your preferences. Assign a different color to each person involved. If an item gets more than one sticker, you’ll have to negotiate.

• Take turns choosing. If “who goes first” becomes an issue, you can always flip a coin or draw straws. Also, to help simplify things, break down the dividing process room by room, versus tackling the entire house.

• Bid with funny money. Give each person involved the same amount of “play money,” and bid on the items you want according to the value you put on them.

• Have items appraised. Battles can erupt over whether things are being divided fairly by monetary value. Having an appraiser assess the value of items like jewelry, antiques and art can help assure a fair distribution.

Savvy Resources

• Who Gets Grandma’s Yellow Pie Plate: The University of Minnesota offers this workbook for $12.50 and a 13-minute video for $30. To order, call 1-800-876-8636 or visit www.yellowpieplate.umn.edu.

• Moving On: A great book written by Linda Hetzer and Janet Hulstrand that offers practical advice on what to do when it’s time to empty the family house.

Send your senior questions to: Savvy Senior, P.O. Box 5443, Norman, OK 73070, or visit www.savvysenior.org. Jim Miller is a regular contributor to the NBC Today Show and author of “The Savvy Senior” book.