Stand-In

By Wayne & Tamara Mitchell - Echo Works

My husband and I moved very fast in getting married. On my end, I was lost and lonely after my former fiancé was killed in an accident. I wanted to be close to someone again. I dated my husband 12 months after my fiancé’s death, and six months later we were married. That was 10 months ago.

I was never a “must be in a relationship” type of woman. But I was very sad after losing my fiancé and having to let go of the dreams I had for our life together. I believe this is why I jumped so quickly.

I do love my husband, I want him to be safe and happy, but I can’t be married to him. He’s not a bad person—he doesn’t cheat or drink or smoke. It’s nothing like that. We simply do not connect intellectually or have any common interests. Some days I think to myself, how can I deal with this incompatibility day in and day out for the rest of my life?

I cannot continue in this marriage. I’ve already come to that conclusion. The painful part is leaving. I am dreading that. Five months after we married, I decided to move out and put down a deposit on an apartment. He was sad and crying, so I stayed. But I feel if I stay with someone I have so little in common with, I am cheating myself from what marriage can be.

Brooke

Brooke, you have explained so clearly what happened. It is picture perfect clear to us. You had all these plans in your head, another man came along, and you applied these plans to him.

You have to sit down with your husband and explain to him what you explained to us. Admit your mistake, then act. Delay, vacillation, and letting him argue will only prolong the pain. His refusal to accept what you say won’t change the facts. Coddling another often only makes things worse, even though the original mistake was our own.

Wayne & Tamara

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com . Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

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