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What Ever Happened To Just Plain Etiquette?

The young mother can be seen daily, struggling as she climbs aboard the B-17 bus during rush hour. Her two-year-old daughter is clinging to her neck and a folded stroller is hanging on her right arm as she climbs the stairs and fumbles for change or the MetroCard. It’s easy to see she’s having trouble, but she finally makes it and turns to try to cut her way through the aisle in the center in the hope of finding a seat. Able-bodied adults who are seated avert their eyes because they don’t want to give up their seat — to anyone. The fact that the woman is holding a baby and is struggling obviously means just about nothing to them. Somewhere — down deep — they harbor an embarrassment, but that doesn’t help the frazzled mother.

About five rows down, she sees a passenger getting up preparatory to leaving and she frantically eases past other standees, only to be beaten to the seat by a teenager who glares at her as if she tried to take it away from under him. The teen is arrogant, and even curses under his breath because she had the audacity to try to beat him to it.

The young woman glares back as her child begins to whimper and then she turns away. It’s too much. She’s got enough on her hands as it is. She doesn’t need a scene, no matter how mad she gets. The glaring teenager jostles the boy sitting next to him and they chuckle at the victory. It doesn’t matter at whose expense the chuckling is; nothing matters to these teens. Nothing but their comfort.

That’s the way it is nowadays. To be cynical is to be realistic — and vice versa.

There’s a letter to the editor in this issue from the young mother who says days like this — and there are obviously too many — make her "hate people." Yeah, that’s the word: "hate."

My mother always said to me that I should never "hate" anything. I could dislike it (asparagus, for instance) or them (like the KKK or bad guys in the movies, for other instances), but I should never "hate."

Not so with the young woman, though. She has become bitter, and for good reason. It’s not just the day-to-day fight through life with a small child and a job and places you must be and the race to keep up with life itself anymore. She has a point, though. A point that is learned by coming up against these barriers daily.

What ever happened to etiquette? What about politeness for politeness’ sake? Has anyone held a door open for you lately? How about helping an el-derly lady across the street? Have you given a seat to a struggling lady holding a baby on the bus lately?

The adults on the bus — women and men — were (are) embarrassed because they know better. Some-where down the line their mothers taught them to be at least a little bit gracious and considerate. The fact that they don’t do it is only testament to the fact that they don’t want to do it.

Sadly, the teenagers don’t do it because they don’t know any better!

The letter-writer says maybe she should wear a sign saying, "Duh — Mom needs help & a seat!" and maybe the sign will open their eyes.

On the other hand, maybe it won’t help. The adults will be too embarrassed to take the time to read it and the teens, well, they can’t read anyway.