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C’est La Vie © 2002 King Features Synd., Inc. Fly Me to The Moons I’ve been suffering from a bad case of moon envy. Don’t get me wrong. I like our moon. As moons go, it seems to be top drawer, if a little arid and lifeless. But it’s just one moon, and one moon won’t cut it in the 21st century — not for a galaxy-class planet like Earth. While I was growing up, things seemed OK in the moon department. We had one moon, Mars had two — but way smaller, so I didn’t feel too bad — Jupiter had 12 and Saturn had nine. But things have gotten out of hand. According to a recent story, scientists have discovered a total of 39 moons revolving around Jupiter! And they expect to find more! Maybe as many as 100 moons! Look, I don’t mean to be petty about this. I could deal with Jupiter having 12 moons. After all, it’s a big planet. But no way do they deserve 100 moons, not while we’re supposed to make do with just one. Are we just going to sit back and let this happen? What I propose is simple and would give NASA a clear and well-defined mission: Instead of going to Mars, we should head straight to Jupiter, round up some of their excess moons and bring them back to Earth. This would provide many benefits: ¥ Boost our children’s self-esteem. How do you think they feel when they find out they’re growing up on a moon-challenged planet? Fortunately, our science education is such that many kids don’t know we have one moon — much less what other planets have — but most of us, sadly, eventually learn about our planet’s shortcomings when it comes to natural satellites. •Add some variety to our tidal flows. The tide comes in, the tide goes out. It’s all very ordinary and predictable. Additional moons would add spice to our tides and our tide tables. •Changing the tides might also have the benefit of causing unforeseen, perhaps even dangerous new weather patterns. This would make watching The Weather Channel far more rewarding. •Increase the chances of solar eclipses. Because we lack a full complement of moons, many of us go through life without seeing a full solar eclipse. I’m not recommending we acquire so many moons that solar eclipses become a daily or even weekly event — after all, having too many moons would be a little showy for a small planet — but there’s no excuse for the paltry number of solar eclipses we have now. •As noted earlier, our moon is rather dry and dull. For all the poems and songs it has inspired, the moon remains — let’s be honest — a big, cold, lifeless rock. But what if suddenly our moon had a little competition? Might it not try a little harder? Develop some personality? Add some life to its dreary landscape? It’s worth a try. I mean, it’s not like we’re going to find Jar-Jar Binks on Mars, much less any intelligent life.
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