C’est La Vie by Don Flood

© 2001 King Features Synd., Inc,

Logging On

One of the great perks of newspaper work — along with the occasional free pens given out at press conferences — is the chance to be on the absolute cutting edge of early 21st century holiday trends.

For instance, just the other day I received a hot-off-the-e-mail press release that solved all my gift-buying worries.

(Note to my wife: Stop reading right now and set aside this column until after the holidays! And no peeking!)

Lint rags! That’s right, lint rags!

According to the press release, MicroCloth XL dust cloths are the perfect stocking stuffer!

(Amazingly, almost every press release I receive is about the perfect stocking stuffer, with the possible exception of the some of the larger SUVs. How do they come up with so many perfect stocking stuffers? It’s incredible!)

Another important tip: for maximum holiday enjoyment, don’t forget the Duraflame logs.

You know Duraflame logs, they’re those plastic-like logs that come from plastic-like Duraflame trees. They’re what the pioneers used before they had the sense to build gas fireplaces.

Which is why in their press release the Duraflame people listed the following as their No. 1 Holiday Tip:

"Burn a Duraflame firelog in your fireplace to create a warm, soothing atmosphere."

So true! But that’s just the beginning of Duraflame holiday fun.

The No. 13 suggestion said — and this is for real — "Buy a case of Duraflame firelogs to have on hand to give as favors to guests attending your parties."

That’s right. When it’s time for your party guests to leave, give ‘em one for the road — hand them a long-lasting, clean-burning Duraflame firelog.

That way, on the way home, they can build a warm, soothing fire in the backseat of their car.

But while I hate to be critical here, it’s obvious the Duraflame publicists aren’t exactly the brightest-burning logs in the woodshed.

Sure Duraflame firelogs make great party favors, but that’s just the beginning of Duraflame fun.

Every occasion’s just a little bit brighter with Duraflame firelogs.

•Valentine’s Day — Flowers may be pretty but they don’t burn well. Give your special someone a basket of Duraflame logs and just wait for the romantic sparks to begin flying.

•Anniversaries — One way to keep the "home fires burning" is to give her a Duraflame firelog for each wonderful year you’ve been together.

Imagine how her eyes will light up when she sees 25 Duraflame firelogs set up in a romantic anniversary pile.

•Just Because — It doesn’t have to be a special occasion: Show your fun, spontaneous side by surprising your honey with a "no-special-reason" gift of Duraflame firelogs.

•Romantic adventure — Trying to stir things up with an old flame? Let her know you’re still carrying a torch for her with a Duraflame firelog gift pack.

•Weddings — What to give the modern bride who often has everything? She won’t believe her eyes when she sees the gift table laden with Duraflame firelogs! They also make the perfect "house-warming" gift!

And don’t forget, Duraflame firelogs always make the perfect stocking stuffer.